I’m thankful to all the people who have helped me get to the point I’m at today, but two very special people should be honored. Those two people are my parents: Shawn and Laurie Dickens
Yesterday the March US Pain newsletter came out, and my parents are the Pain Warriors of the month. While they aren’t the ones who are diagnosed with pain conditions, they feel my pain just as much as me, sometime even more. I love them to death, they have never questioned me, they show me that they are “here” every day. My suffering in the first few months of my battle was terrible, I blocked a lot of it out too, but I can’t imagine the suffering my parents went through. They had to watch their 10 year old daughter get told that her pain wasn’t going to end, they held me as I cried and told me everything was going to be okay. It’s now quite obvious that they didn’t know that and they were just a scared but they never let it show. They dropped everything to help me, even though i was still unsure and upset, they made everything okay. I can remember crying as I snuggled my dad most every night, having him carry me to bed because I couldn’t walk. My mom took me to my Physical therapist, she had to sit and watch as i screamed and cried during my exercises. I feel terrible for some of the things I put them through, mostly sobbing every night asking why it had ti be me, asking them what I did to deserve it. At the time I was young and so distraught that I didn’t realize what I was saying, I didn’t think about the sadness that appeared in their eyes when I said things like that. when I’m doing terribly I ask it again, even though I know they don’t have the answers. They respect my decisions, I know sometimes they want me to do something as a treatment but they never force me, they wait until I choose it myself. They would sleep in those terrible hospital chairs so I wasn’t alone, at any moment they are ready to help me. They held my hair when my gastroparesis flared up, they are quick to catch me when I’m woozy, they tuck me in every night. they fight for me at doctors offices and school. I don’t know what I would do without them, because they make me feel safe for a little while.
My parents are warriors,
In the beginning, I never felt strong enough, but my mom and dad had my back. they built up a shield for me, they stayed by my side until I felt strong enough to go on my own. I know that they would take my pain away if they could, but they make sure that they are always around when I need them and that’s enough for me. now that I’m older, I can deal without holding their hands; but, the moment I need to, I know their hands will be outstretched before I can even ask.
Mommy and Daddy,
I love you so so so so so much!