Stay True to Yourself

You would never know it by just looking at me, but I have an “invisible” illness. When I was ten years old, I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. In high school, I was also diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Fast forward to today, here I am still battling day to day life.

Of course some days are better than others. Today, or rather this morning, was tough for me. I haven’t been feeling “great” the past few days. I’ve been very “quick” and “snappy” with my family.God bless them for still believing in me every single day. I don’t know how they put up with me sometimes, but here they are, my mom, dad, brother, sister, sister-in-law and soon to be brother-in-law by my side every single day. They are saints as I like to call them,  but then again, sometimes I guess I’d call myself a saint for putting up with what I have to deal with day in and day out.

I believe everyone with an “invisible” illness can relate to how I feel. Waking up every day you never know if today is going to be a good day or a bad day. I guess you just learn to live with it all. Living with Bipolar, depression, and anxiety can be exhausting. You never know when it’s going to flare up or when you’re going to feel somewhat quote on quote “normal.” I hate using the word normal since there is no such thing. How I would describe “normal” is a day where you don’t have to worry about this invisible burden you have been given.  Dealing with bipolar depression and anxiety, I’ve been able to learn my “limits.” I don’t commit to more than two things a day, as I feel I become too overwhelmed too easily when I commit too much.

I’m glad I’ve finally learned my limitations and have been able to stick with the two commitments per day. Of course some days I say to myself, one more thing won’t kill me and sure it won’t, but it does add a lot more unneeded stress and anxiety into my life.  For now, I’m trying my hardest to stick with my two commitments a day as I know that is truly best for myself. I think that’s what is most important. To stay true to yourself, and do what is best for you, no matter how hard things get.

2 Comments on Stay True to Yourself

  1. Thank you for sharing your story Marissa! You are an inspiration for thousands out there struggling with similar “invisible illnesses.”

  2. Marissa you are an amazing woman!!! Jodi and I feel very lucky to have you in our lives. We are here for you anytime – just like you are here for us. You have made a huge difference in the lives of children living in chronic pain. Thank you for being at Pediatric Pain Week at CCK – everyone loved you and you did a fabulous job!!!! We love you!!

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